Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be filled.

Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure in spirit, for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.

Blessed are those who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are you when they revile and persecute you, and say all kinds of evil against you falsely for My sake.

Rejoice and be exceedingly glad, for great is your reward in heaven, for so they persecuted the prophets who were before you.

Matthew 5:3-12

Oh Lord,

Teach me to seek You and reveal yourself to me when I seek You.

For I cannot seek You unless You first teach me, nor find You unless You first reveal yourself to me.

Let me seek You in longing, and long for You in seeking.

Let me find You in love, and love You in finding.

~Saint Ambrose of Milan

<< # St. Blog's Parish ? >>

Name: Erin Yonke

Location: Aurora, IL

Info: I'm happily married to my husband and champion pro-life activist, Matt. I stay home with my three small boys; Ambrose (11/06), Peter (3/08), and Joseph (9/10).

Thursday, October 25, 2007

this is something I have agonized over.

If you know me well, it will probably come as no surprise to you that I would agonize over something very trivial. I'm very good at it.
But anyway, over the last few months, I've been completely on the fence about finding out the gender of this baby before he or she is born.

When I was pregnant with Ambrose, I was totally opposed to finding out. I loved, craved, and savored the surprise, and if I had to do it over, I wouldn't do it any other way. His birth was beautiful, and I will never forget the moment that I learned that he was, in fact, a HE. There are so few good surprises in life, that being one of them.

Generally speaking, I think it's genuinely better to wait until the baby is born to find out. I think learning an unborn baby's sex is oftentimes just another way that modern medicine strips pregnancy and birth of their natural mystery and beauty--it's another of the many modern interventions that make women feel as though they don't know "how" to be pregnant or give birth without ultrasounds or pitocin or epidurals or narcotics or a measuring tape. It's a bunch of bologna, and I try to steer clear of that mindset as much as I can.
That said, I also think it can be really boring. Sometimes we get birth announcements in the mail and I find myself thinking, "Okay, we already knew it was a boy, we already knew his name, and we already knew the date of your planned induction. So, uh, thanks for letting us know that your baby weighed 7lbs, 10oz!" I'm not saying it's a nice thing to think, or that it makes the baby itself any less amazing, I'm just saying that I think it's awfully dull. And very trendy.

But there are other factors involved. Between the bizarre illnesses and ailments and infections this pregnancy has provided, the recent change in jobs, insurance, and care providers, and now the prospect of moving and trying to sell our house in a not-so-hot market, not knowing anything about this baby started to feel like just one more thing that I couldn't prepare for--it felt daunting, not exciting-- and I didn't want to spend the next few months feeling that way. I eventually decided that it was more important to me to be excited about the pregnancy and birth of this new person than to hold to some theoretical ideal. With Ambrose, it was more important to me to have one, huge explosive moment of surprise at the birth. This time, I'm going to need a slow, steady drip of happiness, and I'm OK with that. In fact, I couldn't be happier. I think with another baby, I'd love to go the surprise route again. I really loved it. But today, I had an ultrasound, and I found out. I'm thrilled to death! And on the way home, I bought this. :-) :

Comments on "this is something I have agonized over."


Blogger Amanda said ... (October 30, 2007 4:27 AM) : 

Congratulations! I don't think there's anything wrong with having a little advance on the birth-day joy ;) although I do admire those who wait it out... personally I'm way too impatient!


Blogger Dr Greg said ... (October 30, 2007 11:16 AM) : 

Having come from a family of 6 girls and just ONE boy, this could give you a different perspective on child play. "Boy play" is not something we had too much of in our house! That being said, I cannot wait to meet Ambrose's little brother!


Anonymous paula said ... (November 01, 2007 8:42 AM) : 

Hooray, you're having a boy!

I understand your dilemna, but I'll also add that I think that modern medicine can give us a little glimpse into God's mind in that He knows whether a baby is a girl or boy from the beginning.

P.S. I'm having a little giveaway on my blog that you might be interested in...


Blogger Mary Poppins NOT said ... (November 01, 2007 11:45 AM) : 

Oh, how did I miss this for so long?? Now you'll have something I never had, which was two boys back to back. I had brothers, though, so I can tell you one thing for certain, it will be noisy.

Anyway, so cool. My last pregnancy was the only time I knew the gender in advance, and I loved it. I would do it again given the chance. For me it make the entire post-partum adjustment much easier.

Anyway, congratulations!


Blogger erin said ... (November 01, 2007 8:16 PM) : 

Thanks everyone!

Renee, that's so very nice to hear. I was (and am) expecting to take alot of flack for finding out, but man, I am sooo glad I did. I just can't wait to hold him now!


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